Our RISE community is stoked on ChatGPT. ChatGPT has countless uses.

Early on. Companies are figuring out the legal and ethical implications of AI's content revolution. Using AI for everyday tasks is cool.

So I challenged RISE friends... Let's have fun and share non-obvious uses.

Onward!

1. Tweet

Jim MacLeod requested a design-themed Twitter thread from ChatGPT.

2. Novelize

Giuseppe Fratoni writes novels.

"This is amazing!" Impotent. I asked about writing, mystery novels, and jazz.

"Develop a mystery novel plot in which a disillusioned homicide detective hunts a serial killer who targets jazz musicians who play Autumn Leaves."

"I have:

Detective James Thompson is a seasoned veteran of the Homicide department, but lately he’s been feeling burnt out and disillusioned. His latest case, the murder of a young jazz pianist who was found brutally killed in his home, only serves to deepen his sense of despair … (much more provided)

3. Question-and-answer sessions

Bliss recommends:

You have a guest speaker and want to ask audience questions.

Pre-generate questions with ChatGPT. "And here's a question from our AI?"

The conference is about Western water scarcity. Water management expert. My AI question was...

Which desalination-related questions should I ask an expert?

ChatGPT said...

• How is desalination currently being used around the world, and in what types of locations is it most effective?

• What are the potential advantages and disadvantages of using desalination to provide fresh water?

• What are some of the key challenges and limitations of desalination technology, and how are they being addressed?

4. Game-making

Richard's a board game expert. He suggests using ChatGPT to plan games. Note: Some people have started getting help solving crossword puzzle clues.

5. Matchmaking

Tanya Thompson thinks it helps dating. ChatGPT:

Here are some flirty first-message ideas for dating apps:

I noticed you from afar. I had to say hi and see if we clicked.

Your profile picture is gorgeous. I'm obsessed with your [Feature] and want to know you better.

I don't usually message first, but I had to. You're [Attractive Quality] and I can't wait to talk.”

Hello. Your profile intimidates me. I'm starstruck by your [Attractiveness]. (Many instances)

5. Solitude/anxiety

ChatGPT excels at one-on-one conversations.

PepperBrooks: "I'm sad and lonely."

ChatGPT: I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling sad and lonely. It’s natural to feel down sometimes, but it’s important to remember that you’re not alone. There are many people who care about you and want to help you. It can be helpful to talk to someone about your feelings, whether it’s a close friend, family member, or mental health professional.

Sometimes, just expressing your thoughts and emotions to someone else can help to alleviate your sadness and loneliness. It’s also important to take care of yourself and do things that make you happy, such as spending time with loved ones, pursuing a hobby, or exercising. These things can help to improve your mood and make you feel more connected to others. Remember that you are strong and capable, and that you can get through this difficult time.

Daniel Nestle asked ChatGPT to generate journal prompts to help him deal with anxiety.

1. Write down the things that are causing you anxiety at the moment.

2. Describe a situation in which you felt anxious and how you coped with it.

3. Reflect on how your thoughts and beliefs contribute to your anxiety.

4. Write a letter to your anxiety, expressing your feelings and concerns

5. Imagine yourself in a calm and peaceful place, and describe it in detail.

6. (many more items followed)

6. Names

Continued Daniel:

Also, naming ideas.

Me: Name this drink. Japanese gin, unsweetened tonic, lime, Szechuan pepper, grapefruit.

ChatGPT: How about “Sakura Sunrise?” The name incorporates the Japanese gin and the citrus flavors of grapefruit and lime, and the word “sunrise” suggests a fresh and invigorating start to the day. Alternatively, you could go with something like “Peppered Grapefruit Gin Fizz” to emphasize the unique flavor combination of Szechuan pepper and grapefruit.

7. Translation on the go

Monks recommends: ChatGPT is a perfect mobile translation tool. Say you need help in Italy.

ME: Translate to Italian

Where is the nearest gas station?

ChatGPT: “La mia auto sta per esaurire il carburante, mi puoi dire dove si trova la stazione di servizio più vicina?”

8. Fitness

Monks added:

ME: In 3 months, I want to run 5km. Plan out how I can do this.

ChatGPT: Here's a 3-month plan to run 5km.

• Start by walking for 15–20 minutes each day to build up your endurance and get your body used to regular exercise.

• After a week of walking, begin incorporating short jogs into your routine. Start by jogging for 1–2 minutes at a time, with walking breaks in between. Gradually increase the length of your jogs and reduce the amount of time you spend walking.

• Once you can jog for 10 minutes without stopping, start increasing the distance of your runs. Aim to run 1km without stopping and then gradually increase the distance over time.

• In addition to your regular runs, incorporate strength training and stretching into your routine to improve your overall fitness and reduce the risk of injury.

• (more details continued on)

9. Integrations and coding

10. Teacher lesson plans

Spencer Crandall saved time.

This morning, I wondered who has the hardest job. Teachers.

Many students, little time. ChatGPT could handle lesson planning. I tried it and got this.

Lesson Title: The History and Impact of Artificial Intelligence

Students will understand the history and development of AI and the potential positive and negative impacts on society.

AI timeline AI technologies and applications

Overview:

1. Introduce the topic of artificial intelligence, and explain that it refers to the development of computer systems and algorithms that can simulate human intelligence and behavior.

2. Show the timeline of significant events in the history of AI, and discuss the key milestones and developments in the field.

3. Show examples of AI technologies and applications, and explain how they are used in various industries and fields.

4. Discuss the potential positive and negative impacts of AI on society, including its potential to improve productivity, efficiency, and safety, as well as its potential to create new challenges and concerns, such as job displacement and ethical issues.

(many more details followed)

11. Find podcast guests.

Joeri Billast suggested:

Who should be on my Web3 podcast?

ChatGPT: Web3 marketing experts, influencers, and thought leaders make great podcast guests. These include Web3 marketers, content creators, business owners, entrepreneurs, and technologists. You could invite Web3 startups and organizations to your podcast.

Please give examples.

ChatGPT: Ideal Web3 marketing podcast guests include:

• Tim Berner-Lee, inventor of the World Wide Web

• Chris Dixon, general partner at Andreessen Horowitz

• Vitalik Buterin, founder of Ethereum

• Joe Lubin, founder of ConsenSys

• Susan Fowler, author of Whistleblower

• (many other suggestions)

12. Comments and reviews on social media

Lisa Monk thinks ChatGPT can help retail staff with social media.

She asked ChatGPT to "review this restaurant"

POSITIVE CUSTOMER REVIEW: I absolutely love this place. We eat out a lot however this place has topped it all. Perfect meals, amazing staff and the timing for it all was great! Special thanks to Sophie B (you rock) From your guests all the way from the Gold Coast, THANK YOU

ChatGPT REPLY: Thank you so much for your kind words and for taking the time to write a review. We are delighted to hear that you had such a great experience at our restaurant. We are thrilled that you enjoyed your meal and the service provided by Sophie. It’s always a pleasure to serve guests visiting from the Gold Coast and we are grateful for your support. We look forward to welcoming you back again soon. Thank you again for your positive review.

CUSTOMER REVIEW: Most average food, there is a nice view, But that’s about it

ChatGPT: Thank you for your review. We apologize if your dining experience was not up to your expectations. We strive to provide top-quality food and service to all of our customers, and we will take your feedback into consideration as we continue to improve. Thank you for letting us know about your experience.

13. Crime-fighting

Zack Seipert said, "I researched some famous unsolved murders, and ChatGPT laid out the crime, suspects, clues, and more." I bet experienced detectives could solve some of these cold cases.

14. Reduce bias

Joanne Taylor struggles to remove biases from her writing. She asked ChatGPT for ideas.

I asked ChatGPT to check a text for racial bias, and it did well.

15. Furnishings

I designed a small, unique table using ChatGPT and MidJourney. I edited ChatGPT's idea for clarity and brevity before entering it in MidJourney.

Results:

16. Serialize a novel

Scott Scowcoft led ChatCPT through iterations of a story text to create serialized novel frames. You can view this here.

17. Interview preparation

I was on a sales podcast. Although this is marketing-related, it's not my forte. I asked ChatGPT for help with a sales interview. Response:

Here are some interview questions about the future of sales and how to answer them.

How will technology affect sales in the future?

Technology will impact sales in the coming years. Automation and AI could be used to handle routine tasks, and data analysis and CRM could become more important. E-commerce and online sales channels are also reshaping the sales landscape.

How will the salesperson's role change?

Future sales roles may change in response to changing customer needs and expectations. Salespeople must be knowledgeable and consultative to help customers navigate complex products and services. Increasing importance of data analysis and CRM tools will require salespeople to understand and use technology effectively.

Future sales professionals will need what skills?

Future salespeople will need many skills. Sales professionals must have strong communication and interpersonal skills, as well as product and service knowledge and the ability to use data analysis and CRM tools effectively. Adapting to changing customer needs and staying current on industry trends will also be important for sales success.

18. Gift ideas

I need Christmas gift ideas for my wife. I asked:

Suggest a gift idea under $200 for a middle-aged woman who loves The Eagles.

A middle-aged woman who loves The Eagles might like a vinyl record of "Hotel California" or "The Long Run." Many music fans enjoy the unique sound and experience of vinyl records.

Pair the record with a high-quality record player for a complete gift. The vinyl record and record player should fit within your $200 budget for an Eagles fan.

19. Explaining complex concepts

I entered: Explain quantum physics to me as if I were 10 years old.

Quantum physics is a branch of science that studies how tiny particles, like atoms and subatomic particles, behave. These particles are so small that they don’t always follow the same rules as the things we can see and touch every day.

For example, sometimes they can be in two places at the same time, or they can be friends with each other even if they are far apart. This might sound strange, but it’s what scientists have learned from studying these tiny particles. Quantum physics helps us understand how the world works at a very small scale, and it can also help us make new technologies, like computers that are much faster than the ones we have today.

20. AP-style editing

Blogs, journals, and books follow AP Style. I asked ChatGPT to "edit using AP Style" and it did a great job.

And then... "Write a catchy headline for a blog post about 16 ChatGPT uses"

Here are some possible blog post titles for 20 creative ChatGPT uses:

• “20 Fun and Creative Ways to Use ChatGPT: From Games to Quizzes and More”

• “The Ultimate Guide to Using ChatGPT for Entertainment and Creativity”

• “20 Reasons to Use ChatGPT: How it Can Enhance Your Gaming, Storytelling, and More”

• 20 Entertaining Uses for ChatGPT You Never Knew Were Possible”

• “Unleash Your Imagination with ChatGPT: 16 Creative and Fun Ways to Use it”

In a previous post, I said ChatGPT will change marketing careers forever. I have never made a statement like that in my life. Even in the early days of the internet, people were cautious.

This technology was just released two weeks ago, and over a million people are already using it. This is the fastest technology adoption in history.

Today's post offers inventive and entertaining ideas, but it's just the beginning. ChatGPT writes code, music, and papers.

I was entering tens of millions of records per hour when I first published Slonik PostgreSQL client for Node.js. The data being entered was usually flat, making it straightforward to use INSERT INTO ... SELECT * FROM unnset() pattern. I advocated the unnest approach for inserting rows in groups (that was part I).

However, today I’ve found a better way: jsonb_to_recordset.

jsonb_to_recordset expands the top-level JSON array of objects to a set of rows having the composite type defined by an AS clause.

jsonb_to_recordset allows us to query and insert records from arbitrary JSON, like unnest. Since we're giving JSON to PostgreSQL instead of unnest, the final format is more expressive and powerful.

SELECT *
FROM json_to_recordset('[{"name":"John","tags":["foo","bar"]},{"name":"Jane","tags":["baz"]}]')
AS t1(name text, tags text[]);
 name |   tags
------+-----------
 John | {foo,bar}
 Jane | {baz}
(2 rows)

Let’s demonstrate how you would use it to insert data.

Inserting data using json_to_recordset

Say you need to insert a list of people with attributes into the database.

const persons = [
  {
    name: 'John',
    tags: ['foo', 'bar']
  },
  {
    name: 'Jane',
    tags: ['baz']
  }
];

You may be tempted to traverse through the array and insert each record separately, e.g.

for (const person of persons) {
  await pool.query(sql`
    INSERT INTO person (name, tags)
    VALUES (
      ${person.name},
      ${sql.array(person.tags, 'text[]')}
    )
  `);
}

It's easier to read and grasp when working with a few records. If you're like me and troubleshoot a 2M+ insert query per day, batching inserts may be beneficial.

What prompted the search for better alternatives.

Inserting using unnest pattern might look like this:

await pool.query(sql`
  INSERT INTO public.person (name, tags)
  SELECT t1.name, t1.tags::text[]
  FROM unnest(
    ${sql.array(['John', 'Jane'], 'text')},
    ${sql.array(['{foo,bar}', '{baz}'], 'text')}
  ) AS t1.(name, tags);
`);

You must convert arrays into PostgreSQL array strings and provide them as text arguments, which is unsightly. Iterating the array to create slices for each column is likewise unattractive.

However, with jsonb_to_recordset, we can:

await pool.query(sql`
  INSERT INTO person (name, tags)
  SELECT *
  FROM jsonb_to_recordset(${sql.jsonb(persons)}) AS t(name text, tags text[])
`);

In contrast to the unnest approach, using jsonb_to_recordset we can easily insert complex nested data structures, and we can pass the original JSON document to the query without needing to manipulate it.

In terms of performance they are also exactly the same. As such, my current recommendation is to prefer jsonb_to_recordset whenever inserting lots of rows or nested data structures.

We may never tap again in ten years.

I discussed styling websites and web apps on smartwatches in my earlier article on W3C standardization.

The Parallax Chronicles

Section containing examples and flying objects

Another intriguing Working Draft I found applies to all devices, including smartphones.

These pages may have something intriguing. Take your time. Return after scrolling:

• Exhibit 1

• Exhibit 2

• Exhibit 3

What connects these three pages?

JustinWick at English Wikipedia • CC-BY-SA-3.0

Scroll-linked animation, commonly called parallax, is the effect.

WordPress theme developers' quick setup and low-code tools made the effect popular around 2014.

Parallax: Why Designers Love It

The chapter that your designer shouldn't read

Online video playback required searching, scrolling, and clicking ten years ago. Scroll and click four years ago.

Some video sites let you swipe to autoplay the next video from an endless list.

UI designers create scrollable pages and apps to accommodate the behavioral change.

Web interactivity used to be mouse-based. Clicking a button opened a help drawer, and hovering animated it.

However, a large page with more material requires fewer buttons and less interactiveness.

Designers choose scroll-based effects. Design and frontend developers must fight the trend but prepare for the worst.

How to Create Parallax

The component that you might want to show the designer

JavaScript-based effects track page scrolling and apply animations.

Javascript libraries like lax.js simplify it.

Using it needs a lot of human mathematical and physical computations.

Your asset library must also be prepared to display your website on a laptop, television, smartphone, tablet, foldable smartphone, and possibly even a microwave.

Overall, scroll-based animations can be solved better.

CSS Scroll-linked Animations

CSS makes sense since it's presentational. A Working Draft has been laying the groundwork for the next generation of interactiveness.

The new CSS property scroll-timeline powers the feature, which MDN describes well.

Before testing it, you should realize it is poorly supported:

Firefox 103 currently supports it.

There is also a polyfill, with some demo examples to explore.

Summary

Web design was a protracted process. Started with pages with static backdrop images and scrollable text. Artists and designers may use the scroll-based animation CSS API to completely revamp our web experience.

It's a promising frontier. This post may attract a future scrollable web designer.

Ps. I have created flashcards for HTML, Javascript etc. Check them out!

SpaceX's Starship.

Launched last week.

Four minutes in:

SpaceX will succeed. When it does, its massiveness will matter.

Its payload will revolutionize space economics.

Civilization will shift.

We don't yet understand how this will affect space and Earth culture. Grab it.

The Cost of Space Transportation Has Decreased Exponentially

Space launches have increased dramatically in recent years.

We mostly send items to LEO, the green area below:

SpaceX's reusable rockets can send these things to LEO. Each may launch dozens of payloads into space.

With all these launches, we're sending more than simply things to space. Volume and mass. Since the 1980s, launching a kilogram of payload to LEO has become cheaper:

One kilogram in a large rocket cost over $75,000 in the 1980s. Carrying one astronaut cost nearly $5M! Falcon Heavy's $1,500/kg price is 50 times lower. SpaceX's larger, reusable rockets are amazing.

SpaceX's Starship rocket will continue. It can carry over 100 tons to LEO, 50% more than the current Falcon heavy. Thousands of launches per year. Elon Musk predicts Falcon Heavy's $1,500/kg cost will plummet to $100 in 23 years.

In context:

People underestimate this.

2. The Benefits of Affordable Transportation

Compare Earth's transportation costs:

It's no surprise that the US and Northern Europe are the wealthiest and have the most navigable interior waterways.

So what? since sea transportation is cheaper than land. Inland waterways are even better than sea transportation since weather is less of an issue, currents can be controlled, and rivers serve two banks instead of one for coastal transportation.

In France, because population density follows river systems, rivers are valuable. Cheap transportation brought people and money to rivers, especially their confluences.

How come? Why were humans surrounding rivers?

Imagine selling meat for $10 per kilogram. Transporting one kg one kilometer costs $1. Your margin decreases $1 each kilometer. You can only ship 10 kilometers. For example, you can only trade with four cities:

If instead, your cost of transportation is half, what happens? It costs you $0.5 per km. You now have higher margins with each city you traded with. More importantly, you can reach 20-km markets.

However, 2x distance 4x surface! You can now trade with sixteen cities instead of four! Metcalfe's law states that a network's value increases with its nodes squared. Since now sixteen cities can connect to yours. Each city now has sixteen connections! They get affluent and can afford more meat.

Rivers lower travel costs, connecting many cities, which can trade more, get wealthy, and buy more.

The right network is worth at least an order of magnitude more than the left! The cheaper the transport, the more trade at a lower cost, the more income generated, the more that wealth can be reinvested in better canals, bridges, and roads, and the wealth grows even more.

Throughout history. Rome was established around cheap Mediterranean transit and preoccupied with cutting overland transportation costs with their famous roadways. Communications restricted their empire.

The Egyptians lived around the Nile, the Vikings around the North Sea, early Japan around the Seto Inland Sea, and China started canals in the 5th century BC.

Transportation costs shaped empires.Starship is lowering new-world transit expenses. What's possible?

3. Change Organizations, Change Companies, Change the World

Starship is a conveyor belt to LEO. A new world of opportunity opens up as transportation prices drop 100x in a decade.

Satellite engineers have spent decades shedding milligrams. Weight influenced every decision: pricing structure, volumes to be sent, material selections, power sources, thermal protection, guiding, navigation, and control software. Weight was everything in the mission. To pack as much science into every millimeter, NASA missions had to be miniaturized. Engineers were indoctrinated against mass.

No way.

Starship is not constrained by any space mission, robotic or crewed.

Starship obliterates the mass constraint and every last vestige of cultural baggage it has gouged into the minds of spacecraft designers. A dollar spent on mass optimization no longer buys a dollar saved on launch cost. It buys nothing. It is time to raise the scope of our ambition and think much bigger. — Casey Handmer, Starship is still not understood

A Tesla Roadster in space makes more sense.

It went beyond bad PR. It told the industry: Did you care about every microgram? No more. My rockets are big enough to send a Tesla without noticing. Industry watchers should have noticed.

Most didn’t. Artemis is a global mission to send astronauts to the Moon and build a base. Artemis uses disposable Space Launch System rockets. Instead of sending two or three dinky 10-ton crew habitats over the next decade, Starship might deliver 100x as much cargo and create a base for 1,000 astronauts in a year or two. Why not? Because Artemis remains in a pre-Starship paradigm where each kilogram costs a million dollars and we must aggressively descope our objective.

Space agencies can deliver 100x more payload to space for the same budget with 100x lower costs and 100x higher transportation volumes. How can space economy saturate this new supply?

Before Starship, NASA supplied heavy equipment for Moon base construction. After Starship, Caterpillar and Deere may space-qualify their products with little alterations. Instead than waiting decades for NASA engineers to catch up, we could send people to build a space outpost with John Deere equipment in a few years.

History is littered with the wreckage of former industrial titans that underestimated the impact of new technology and overestimated their ability to adapt: Blockbuster, Motorola, Kodak, Nokia, RIM, Xerox, Yahoo, IBM, Atari, Sears, Hitachi, Polaroid, Toshiba, HP, Palm, Sony, PanAm, Sega, Netscape, Compaq, GM… — Casey Handmer, Starship is still not understood

Everyone saw it coming, but senior management failed to realize that adaption would involve moving beyond their established business practice. Others will if they don't.

4. The Starship Possibilities

It's Starlink.

SpaceX invented affordable cargo space and grasped its implications first. How can we use all this inexpensive cargo nobody knows how to use?

Satellite communications seemed like the best way to capitalize on it. They tried. Starlink, designed by SpaceX, provides fast, dependable Internet worldwide. Beaming information down is often cheaper than cable. Already profitable.

Starlink is one use for all this cheap cargo space. Many more. The longer firms ignore the opportunity, the more SpaceX will acquire.

What are these chances?

Satellite imagery is outdated and lacks detail. We can improve greatly. Synthetic aperture radar can take beautiful shots like this:

Have you ever used Google Maps and thought, "I want to see this in more detail"? What if I could view Earth live? What if we could livestream an infrared image of Earth?

We could launch hundreds of satellites with such mind-blowing visual precision of the Earth that we would dramatically improve the accuracy of our meteorological models; our agriculture; where crime is happening; where poachers are operating in the savannah; climate change; and who is moving military personnel where. Is that useful?

What if we could see Earth in real time? That affects businesses? That changes society?

The internet is a massive information resource. With so much stuff, it's easy to forget about useful websites. Here are five essential websites you may not have known about.

1. Companies.tools

Companies.tools are what successful startups employ. This website offers a curated selection of design, research, coding, support, and feedback resources. Ct has the latest app development platform and greatest client feedback method.

2. Excel Formula Bot

Excel Formula Bot can help if you forget a formula. Formula Bot uses AI to convert text instructions into Excel formulas, so you don't have to remember them.

Just tell the Bot what to do, and it will do it. Excel Formula Bot can calculate sales tax and vacation days. When you're stuck, let the Bot help.

3.TypeLit

TypeLit helps you improve your typing abilities while reading great literature.

TypeLit.io lets you type any book or dozens of preset classics. TypeLit provides real-time feedback on accuracy and speed.

Goals and progress can be tracked. Why not improve your typing and learn great literature with TypeLit?

4. Calm Schedule

Finding a meeting time that works for everyone is difficult. Personal and business calendars might be difficult to coordinate.

Synchronize your two calendars to save time and avoid problems. You may avoid searching through many calendars for conflicts and keep your personal information secret. Having one source of truth for personal and work occasions will help you never miss another appointment.
https://calmcalendar.com/

5. myNoise

myNoise makes the outside world quieter. myNoise is the right noise for a noisy office or busy street.

If you can't locate the right noise, make it. MyNoise unlocks the world. Shut out distractions. Thank your ears.

6. Synthesia

Professional videos require directors, filmmakers, editors, and animators. Now, thanks to AI, you can generate high-quality videos without video editing experience.

AI avatars are crucial. You can design a personalized avatar using a web-based software like synthesia.io. Our avatars can lip-sync in over 60 languages, so you can make worldwide videos. There's an AI avatar for every video goal.

Not free. Amazing service, though.

7. Cleaning-up-images

Have you shot a wonderful photo just to notice something in the background? You may have a beautiful headshot but wish to erase an imperfection.

Cleanup.pictures removes undesirable objects from photos. Our algorithms will eliminate the selected object.

Cleanup.pictures can help you obtain the ideal shot every time. Next time you take images, let Cleanup.pictures fix any flaws.

8. PDF24 Tools

Editing a PDF can be a pain. Most of us don't know Adobe Acrobat's functionalities. Why buy something you'll rarely use? Better options exist.

PDF24 is an online PDF editor that's free and subscription-free. Rotate, merge, split, compress, and convert PDFs in your browser. PDF24 makes document signing easy.

Upload your document, sign it (or generate a digital signature), and download it. It's easy and free. PDF24 is a free alternative to pricey PDF editing software.

9. Class Central

Finding online classes is much easier. Class Central has classes from Harvard, Stanford, Coursera, Udemy, and Google, Amazon, etc. in one spot.

Whether you want to acquire a new skill or increase your knowledge, you'll find something. New courses bring variety.

10. Rome2rio

Foreign travel offers countless transport alternatives. How do you get from A to B? It’s easy!

Rome2rio will show you the best method to get there, including which mode of transport is ideal.

• Plane

• Car

• Train

• Bus

• Ferry

• Driving

• Shared bikes

• Walking

Do you know any free, useful websites?

And morning water bottle struggles.

Welcome to my TikTok, where I share my stay-at-home life! I'll show you my usual day from morning to night.

I rise early to prepare my guy iced coffee. I make matcha, my favorite drink. I also fill our water bottles, which takes time and effort, so I record and describe the procedure. As you see me perform the unthinkable by putting a water bottle in a soda machine, you'll see my magnificent but unowned condo. My lover has everything, including:

1. In the living room, a sizable velvet alabaster divan. I was unable to use the words white or sofa in place of alabaster or a divan since they are insufficiently elegant and do not adequately convey how opulent the item is. The price tag on the divan was another huge feature; I'm sure my lover wouldn't purchase any furniture for less than $20k because it would be beneath him.

2. A plush Swiss coffee-colored Tabriz carpet. Once more, white is a color associated with the underclass; for us, the wealthy, it's alabaster or swiss coffee. Sorry, my boyfriend is wealthy; I'm truly in the same situation. And yet, I’m the one whos freeloading off of him, not you haha!

3. Soft translucent powder is the hue of the vinyl wallcoverings. I merely made up the name of that hue, but I have to maintain the online character I've established. There is no room for adopting language typical of peasant people; I must reiterate that I am wealthy while they are not.

I rest after filling our water bottles. I'm really fatigued from chores. My boyfriend is skeptical about hiring a housekeeper and cook. Does he assume I'm a servant or maid? I can't be overly demanding or throw a tantrum since he may replace me with a younger version. Leonardo Di Caprio's fault!

After the break, I bring my lover a water bottle. He's off to work with my best wishes. After cleaning the shower, I text my BF saying I broke a nail. He charged $675 for a crystal-topped shellac manicure. Lucky me!

After this morning's crazy choirs, especially the water bottle one, I'm famished. I dress quickly and go to the neighborhood organic-vegan-gluten-free-sugar-free-plasma-free-GMO-free-HBO-free breakfast place. Most folks can't afford $17.99 for a caffeine-free-mushroom-plus-mud-and-electrolytes morning beverage. It goes nicely with my matcha. Eggs Benedict cost $68. English muffins are off-limits. I can't make myself obese. My partner said he'd swap me for a 19-year-old Eastern European if I keep eating bacon.

I leave no tip since tipping is too much pressure and math for me, so I go shopping.

My shopping adventures have gotten monotonous. 47 designer bags and 114 bag covers Birkins need their own luggage. My babies! I've never caught my BF with a baby. I have sleeping medications and a turkey baster. Tatiana is much younger and thinner than me, so I can't lose him to her. The goal is to become a stay-at-home wife shortly. A turkey baster is essential.

After spending $955 on La Mer lotions and getting a crystal manicure, I nap. Before my boyfriend's return, I can nap for 5 hours.

I wake up around 4 pm — it’s time to prepare dinner. Yes, I said “prepare for dinner,” not “prepare dinner.” I have crystals on my nails! Do you really think I would cook? No way.

My husband's arrival still requires much work. I clean the kitchen, get cutlery and napkins. I order UberEats while my BF is 30-45 minutes away.

Wagyu steaks with Matsutake mushroom soup today. I pick desserts for my lover but not myself. Eastern European threat?

When my BF gets home from work, we eat. I don't believe in tipping UberEats drivers. If he wants to appreciate life's finer things, he should locate a rich woman.

After eating, we plan our getaway. I requested Aruba's fanciest hotel for winter and expect a butler. We're bickering over who gets the butler. We may need two.

Day's end, I'm exhausted. Stay-at-home girlfriends put in a lot of time and work. Work and duties are never-ending.

Before bed, I shower and use a liquid gold mask in my 27-step makeup procedure. It's a French luxury brand, not La Mer.

Here's my day.

Note: I like satire and absurd trends. Stay-at-home-girlfriend TikTok videos have become popular recently.

I don't shame or support such agreements; I'm just an observer. Thanks for reading.